


Letting Go

by dylanobemineforever



Category: Stiles Stilinski - Fandom, Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Teen Wolf, Teen Wolf Fanfiction, dylan obrien - Freeform, stiles stilinski - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-30 10:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20095858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dylanobemineforever/pseuds/dylanobemineforever
Summary: Starting today, I need to forget what’s gone, appreciate what still remains and look forward to what’s coming next. - That's what Stiles has to learn, although it seems more than just impossible. Will he get over his tremendous loss? Or will the pain break him?





	Letting Go

“ There has to be something in here somewhere!” His hands  fumbled with the thinned pages of the umpteenth ancient book that he had found in  Deaton’s office. “ There has to be something that I can do.” He threw the book off his lap and grabbed another one, the jaded pages barley decipher a ble  anymore. “Anything.”  Maybe the fact that he couldn’t read most of the things written on these  yellowed pages wasn’t because the letters were slowly fading away, but more because  his vision was blurred from the tears that were still flowing down his cheeks. They haven’t stopped since … since that fateful day. Not once had they stopped flowing. 

“Stiles, you should get some sleep. We can stay here and we’ll call you as soon as we find  some thing.” Scott slowly reached for the book in his best friend’s lap and took it out of his shaky hands. It broke his heart seeing his best friend like this and he knew that it would take a lot of time for him to get over what had happened. “C’mon, I’ll drive you home.” 

“I can’t.”  Stiles whispered, eyes glued to to the ground beneath him. “I can’t go. ” 

“Stiles, you need to get some sleep. You need to eat something. ” Scott sighed and kneeled down beside Stiles to be on eye level with him.  “You need to take care of yourself too.” 

Stiles didn’t even pay attention to what his best friend was saying. It felt like he was in some sort of trance. Everything was numb, unreal.  He fidgeted with his fingers, trying to pinch into his flesh to make sure that he wasn’t paralyzed.  He could barley feel the pain. “She’s dead, Scott.” He said suddenly,  looking up for the first time to meet his friend’s sad eyes. “She’s really dead, isn’t she?”  Tears were flowing down his face uncontrollably, lip trembling as he tried with all his willpower  not to  scream. It was the first time that he said it aloud and  it had something so final about it. He would never see her again. Never see her smile again, hear her melodic laughter or one of her terrible jokes ever again. She was gone and that was solely on him. “It’s my fault, Scott. It’s all my fault!” 

Scott’s heart broke into a million pieces, seeing and feeling the pain that his friend was going through. He had laid  a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder to take some of it away, but it was overwhelmingly strong, not bearable fo r him to take even a third.  “It wasn’t your fault, Stiles. That  wasn’t on you.” 

Stiles shook his head frantically. “It was.”  His voice cracked as he had trouble breathing. “It was me. I did that. ” Breaths getting  shallower . “It’s all my fault.”  That’s when he blacked out. 

_ “Everything alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”  _ _ Stiles blinked rapidly to  _ _ clear his vision. He didn’t know what happened and he couldn’t remember blanking. “I am Y/N, by the way.”  _ _ The girl in front of him held her hand out for him to take which he did kind of awkwardly because his hand was really clammy. She didn’t seem to notice or mind though and if she did she did a good job at hiding it.  _

_ “Stiles.” The girl flashed him a  _ _ dazzling smile and he couldn’t help but to return it. “You’re new?”  _

_ “Uh, yeah. _ _ It’s my first day here actually.” She answered _ _ , fumbling with the books in her arm.  _

_ “Do you know where you have to go? _ _ I could show you if you want.” Stiles offered.  _

_“__That’s __where I_ _have to go.” She said and pointed to the door right__ next__ to them._

_ “Oh, great.  _ _ That means we have history together.” She flashed him another smile and he was sure he melted away on the spot. She was the most gorgeous girl that he had ever seen and her smile… wow.  _

_ “Are you coming then or are you going to stand there the whole day?” She asked him and walked through the door, the other students who were already seated looking their way as Stiles came up behind her. She sat  _ _ down at _ _ an empty table behind him which he was thankful for because then he could try to pay attention. He suddenly felt someone tap his shoulder.  _

_ “Sorry,  _ _ Biles? Do you have a spare pencil I apparently lost  _ _ mine. _ _ Again.”  _ _ She leaned over her desk and looked in his eyes expectantly _ _ .  _

_ “Yeah, sure.” He said and reached in his ba _ _ g _ _ to grab his pen and give it to her.  _

_ “Thank you. You’re a life  _ _ safer! _ _ ”  _

_ “No problem.” He winked and she giggled as she opened her notebook. “And, Y/N?” She looked up from whatever she scribbled down. “It’s Stiles.” Her face lit up once again and she started nodding, face turning a light shade of pink _ _ ,  _ _ embarrassed _ _ that she got his name wrong.  _

_ “ _ _ Thank you, Stiles.”  _

_ The teacher came through the door and Stiles begrudgingly turned around in his seat. Throughout the whole class he couldn’t pay attention despite his previous  _ _ resolution and neither could he  _ _ copy anything down, because he gave his only pen away to the girl that was later gonna take his heart.  _

He gasped for air and bolted upright in his bed.  Everything was dark and it took his eyes a while before they adjusted to the lack of light coming through his blinds.  The clock on his nightstand told Stiles that it was just past midnight. 

Stiles  peeled the covers off his body and stumbled through his bathroom door. He looked much like he felt.  His hair  was greasy and tousled in every direction, lips chapped, eyes sunken in and hallow looking with dark circles underneath them. His skin was  paler  and cheekbones more prominent than usual. It looked like something was eating him from the inside out .  It reminded him of how he looked like when the Nogitsune  resided in him.

Stiles bend over the sink  to was h  his face. As he looked up again the circles were still there. Bloodshot eyes looking back at him. At least the tears were gone, he thought to himself and a bitter laugh escaped his  slightly parted mouth. 

He turned around to turn the shower on so it could heat up a bit. Sometimes that took a while and he felt so cold ever since she left him. As if his body wasn’t used to warming itself anymore, as if it forgot how to do that with her out of the picture. 

After a while he could see the steam rising up behind the curtain, so he  stripped out of his clothes and got under the hot water stream.  He looked up, letting it run over his face. 

_ “Stiles! Stop!”  _ _ Y/N giggled as Stiles started dragging her on the dance floor. “You know full well that I can’t dance!” She said while giving his shoulder a light slap.  _

_ “Ouch!” He exclaimed over dramatically and she only rolled her eyes in response, a very prominent smile still invading her features.  _ _ “C’mon now. Don’t be a party pooper!”  _

_ She rolled her eyes again, but actually started dancing to the music, Stiles joining her awkward movements with his own. People were watching both of them dance. How they would occasionally step on one another’s toes and laugh  _ _ whenever it happened like it was the funniest thing to them. Arms flailing around awkwardly. The movements not really fitting to the rhythm of the music. But they didn’t care. All they saw was one another. _ _ Stiles saw a beautiful girl who he adored more than  _ _ he had admitted yet. A girl whose eyes glistened happily and whose smile could  _ _ brighten his day anytime, no matter how shitty it  _ _ had  _ _ been.  _

_Stiles was so concentrated __on her face that he didn’t even realize_ _her moving closer to him. His breath catching in his throat as he suddenly felt her lips on his. Instantly the world slowed down and his eyes started fluttering shut, blending everything around them out. It was only them that counted. __Their lips perfectly melting together__ as they forgot __space and time. Nothing mattered anymore as their hearts synchronized__. In that moment Stiles felt like the happiest person on earth. _

Stiles opened his eyes, wiping the water from his face and begrudgingly turning the shower off. His body  instantly running cold again as the cool air licked his now heated skin.  He shivered.  Everything seemed so useless and he didn’t know if he would ever feel warm again, full again.  It felt like a huge part of him was missing. A part that he wouldn’t get back, that was forever lost.  How could he ever  feel warmth again when her smile  wasn’t there to warm his heart? 

Slowly , he patted back  in his room and grabbed a new pair of boxer briefs and a new shirt as his eyes landed on a worn one draped over his  chair. Carefully , he got closer as if it would suddenly come to life an d  tear his face off. 

A strangled sob escaped the broken boy ’ s lips as he  cautiously  stroked the plain black shirt that wasn’t much different from the one he was now wearing. It didn’t have anything special on it  nor did he ever expect it to mean something more to him than it being a simple black shirt.  And the least  did h e expect it to  have  the power of shattering his heart into a million more pieces. Gently he took it in his hands, tears now flowing again as pained  but silent screams left his throat.  He hesitated but eventually he pressed the shirt against his nose and he inhaled deeply.  His legs were giving away underneath him, causing him to  sob violently on the floor, shirt tightly pressed to his heart.

It still smelled like her. 

“Stiles!” His room door burst open, a dark silhouette  rushing to him, kneeling down on the floor and cradling Stiles’ shaking form in their arms.  “Shhhhh, I am here, you hear me? You’re not alone! ” It was his father. “God, you’re freezing!”  He exclaimed, rubbing his hands over his son ’s arms in order to  warm him up a bit. It didn’t do much. “Stiles, do you think you can get up?” 

He didn’t respond, instead released another strangled sob  that brought tears to the sheriff’s eyes. He knew exactly how his son felt, having lost the love of his life himself. Stiles was so young still, only a child really, he shouldn’t be dealing with something like this. Not now. Not ever. Noah wanted to take all this pain away from him, wanted to bear it upon himself. Anything to free his son  from the intense agony he was feeling, even if it would kill him. Seeing his son like that… it was worse than  dying for him, because it felt like his son was dying in his arms while he was watch ing . 

Without saying another word, Noah rushed to Stiles’ closet to pull out a pair of sweats that he then pulled up Stiles’ legs which was a bit of a struggle, but eventually he got it right. After that, he scooped his son up in his arms and carried him down the stairs and sat him in his police cruiser. Stiles was still clutching to the shirt for dear life, pressing it against his nose now to smell the comforting mixture of pine trees and vanilla. Tears were running down his face uncontrollably. He didn’t care where his father was taking him. He didn’t care about anything anymore. A dark hole sitting where his heart should be, soaking everything up that made him who he was, leaving behind nothing but a shell of the boy that he once was or could have been. 

_ “Like what you see?” She asked as she got up from the bed completely naked after  _ _ their latest activity.  _

_“Very much.” Stiles wasn’t even trying to hide the fact that he was looking at her ass as she ben__t __down to grab a shirt out of__ his_ _drawer. __A soft __whimper left his throat as __she__ pulled the shirt over her head and walked back to the bed, nestling her face in the crook of his neck and leaving wet kisses along his jaw while he __rubbed soothing circles on her back. He loved her, he was sure. He wanted to tell her, yell it__,__ so everyone knew just how strongly he felt for the girl in his arms__. B__ut they’ve __only been dating a bit over a month and he didn’t w__ant t__o scare her away. __Everything had moved so fast between them __and he didn’t want to rush her. So__,__ he waited. _

“ Is he going to be okay?” Noah asked Melissa as he sat down beside the bed that Stiles now laid in.  His eyes stared off into space, eyelids hanging low but they were still open , despite all the  heavy medication that was cursing through his system. None of it numbing the real pain though. It only left him too weak to scream and  kick around him aimlessly, preventing him from hurting someone or himself. 

“Eventually.” Melissa nodded , voice laced with so much sadness that it was clear that this was only what she wished would  happen. Truth was , no one knew at this point what was going to happen to Stiles. How this would eventually play out.  “ He’s  strong, Noah. He’s going to get through this.” She  engulfed the sheriff in a tight hug who was crying now.  He was feeling so helpless and he couldn’t do anything about it. He couldn’t help his son. All he could do was sit back and wait. Wait for what though? That miraculously he would get up and be his usual and sarcastic self again? The boy that would get on his last nerve , but that he loved dearly nonetheless? Was that really something he could hope for? After everything  Stiles’  had  been through? He highly doubted it and this thought alone  caused him to break down crying even harder. He was looking at his son, laying in a hospital bed, unmoving, just staring straight ahead while he clutched  a shirt to his chest as if he wanted to  absorb it.  “Do you want me to call Scott and the others?” Noah shook his head as he  took his son’s hand in his and squeezed it. He didn’t squeeze back. 

“No, I just wanna be alone with him for a bit, if that’s alright.” 

“Of course. Just call when  you need anything!” Melissa gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze and then softly  closed the door behind her, tears now also flowing down her face.  _ This wasn’t happening. God, this couldn’t be happening.  _

_ “Stiles, what the hell?” She came rushing through his door,  _ _ hair tousled and still in her pajamas. “What the hell?” She asked again between staggered breaths. She must’ve run all the way from her place.  _

_ “Y/N…” Stiles said plea _ _ d _ _ ingly. He had made his mind up and  _ _ it was better that way. He needed to do this _ _ , _ _ otherwise he would be a threat to everyone around him, including her. And he couldn’t risk that. He wouldn’t.  _

_ “Don’t Y/N me!” She yelled  _ _ and he winced. “If Scott hadn’t told me would you really just have left? Without saying anything?” Her voice broke and a few tears rolled down her cheeks.  _ _ “Why are you pushing me away like this? _ _ ” And that’s when he noticed that he really had been pushing her away for a while now. Even before the Nogitsune  _ _ found a new  _ _ home inside _ _ his body, he had pushed her away.  _ _ He didn’t want her here. It was dangerous. And now he was  _ _ the literal incarnation of pure evil and he would _ _ be damned if he put her in harms way. He couldn’t take that risk.  _

_ “ _ _ Y/N, I am dangerous and this is for everyone’s own good, okay? I need to do this!”  _

_ “But I can’t help you when you’re in there, Stiles! Why won’t you let me help you!”  _ _ She _ _ screamed, tugging at the roots of  _ _ her _ _ hair _ _ in frustration _ _ .  _

_ “Because I love you!” He yelled back and immediately the room was casted in  _ _ silence so thick someone could slice right through it. “I love you, Y/N, okay?” He said softer this time and hesitantly took a step forward. She didn’t move and just looked at him like a deer caught in headlights. “And that’s why I need to do this… I can’t  _ _ risk hurting you. And I won’t.” He took one final step forward  _ _ and wound his arms around her shaking form. She was crying  _ _ and it hurt him that she was hurting so much. This was harder on her than she had shown _ _ . Seeing Stiles like this, how one could literally see  _ _ how something was sucking all the light and life out of him _ _ … it was unbearable.  _

_ “I love you too, Stiles.” She mumbled in his shirt and he squeezed her  _ _ tighter against him. “I don’t want to lose you. I just can’t, okay?  _ _ So, _ _ you better know what you’re doing!” She chuckled  _ _ against him, but it wasn’t as light as usual.  _ _ There was a certain heaviness about it that  _ _ made it hard to breathe for him. He didn’t want to leave her, but he knew that he had to. He was dangerous and  _ _ he swore himself that he would protect her at all costs. He couldn’t afford to lose her either.  _ _ So, _ _ he made a promise to himself that he wouldn’t.  _

“How is he?” Scott asked  his mother as he reache d the front desk. His mother hasn’t left the hospital since Noah brought Stiles  in. That  was around twelve hours ago and before that she had  had a nother night shift. It was safe to say that she was running on fumes much like everyone else. 

“He  got a couple hours of sleep thankfully. He ju s t woke up, but he refuses to eat or drink anything. We have to wait if he changes his mind and if he doesn’t we have to give him his  nutritions over an IV.” She sighed and looked at her son who looked like he hasn’t slept in days. 

“And Noah?” Melissa nodded over to the waiting room area where the sheriff slept in one of the chairs. Scott hung his head low; all the chemo signals he was getting only amplifying the sadness that he himself was feeling. He couldn’t help his best friend. He couldn’t even take his pain away. On top of that , he  had been staying up all night with the others to roam the ancient books for some sort of spell or whatnot to bring her back. They were living in a world full of supernatural  creatures  and the unexplainable. Was it really so hard to believe that there could be anything that could bring her back to life? Well, despite their previous hope and optimism to find something ... they had found nothing and he was the bearer of the bad news. How could he look his best friend in the eyes and tell him that there was nothing he could do? What could he possibly say to ease Stiles’ pain? “Can I see him?” Scott asked his mom, not really knowing what he hoped she would say. He really wanted to see him, make sure that he was okay. But that was the problem, wasn’t it? He wasn’t okay and maybe Scott hoped that his mother would deny it so he didn’t have to see Stiles in this incurable pain that he couldn’t help him with. 

Melissa nodded. “He’s not reacting to  anyone. Maybe you can get him to talk.” She said hopefully,  but Scott fel t his heart sink again. What if he couldn’t? What if he couldn’t even do that? 

With a heavy sigh he nodded nonetheless. “I can try.” 

“Stiles…” Scott cautiously approached Stiles who was sitting on the edge of his hospital bed. Knees tugged under his chin as he stared off into space.  “Hey… It’s Scott. I wanted to see how you’re doing… ” He didn’t really know what to say but as soon as he said that he winced.  _ Fucking idiot. What do you think how he’s doing, dumbass? Does that look like he’s doing  _ _ well?  _ Scott sat in the chair next to Stiles’ bed where his father had sat for the whole night. He hesitantly tried again. “Stiles, I am so sorry. I know sorry won’t bring her back but I really am.  Just please, please you need to understand that this wasn’t your fault. None of it was your fault.” He sighed as  he noticed that his best friend ha dn ’t moved one inch since he came through the door. “It was a tragedy, Stiles.  As hard as it is to believe, seeing how we live in a world of supernaturals , accidents still do happen and it wasn’t your fault.” He took his hand carefully in his. Stiles didn’t make an attempt of  taking it away, which wasn’t bad nor good. He just kept staring straight ahead as if Scott wasn’t even there.  He seemed catatonic and the sight and thought broke his heart. “Please Stiles come back to us. You can’t leave us too. We need you, okay? I need you!  So please please come back to us…” With his sleeve he wiped away the tears that yet again kept coming and got up from the chair. He couldn’t take this. It hurt too much. 

Softly he closed the door behind him and  prayed for a miracle. 

“Hey, champ. I brought you some fresh clothes and  some of your other stuff.” The sheriff placed a duffle bag next to the bed. It had been three days since he was admitted to the hospital and ever since he hadn’t spoken one single word, nor eaten  or anything else for that matter. All he did was stare daggers into the wall or ceiling.  “I am going to go get Melissa, okay? I am right back.” 

Melissa was just  walking in his direction as he walked down the hallway.  “What can we do? There must be  something  that we can do.” Noah skipped all the pleasantries and cut straight to the case.  He was done sitting around and watching his only child become a shell of the person that he once was. 

“ If his condition won’t improve I am afraid we have to  transfer him to the psychiatric unit. I am sorry, Noah.” She gave him a  much-needed hug and he could feel himself crumbling apart again.  Why?  _ Why?  _

In the  meantime, Stiles eyes flitted through the room as he sat on his bed again.  His head was resting on the wall behind him and he was fumbling with his fingers nervously.  His mind was running a thousand miles per hour and he couldn’t stop the flashes of her faces forming behind his eyes. Whenever he closed them she was there and he could barely bear the thought that it wasn’t real , so he started counting his fingers again, making sure that he was still awake.  And then his eyes landed on the semi open duffle bag his dad had placed  next to his bed. He wanted to scream, cry and smash his head against the wall behind him, but all he could do was  whimper.  Gradually he  reached out for the thing that peeked out of the bag. He knew he was gonna regret this, but he couldn’t stop himself . 

He felt the sleek surface beneath his fingertips and gently pulled it out.  It was the framed picture that used to stand on his nightstand.  Y/N was  smiling into the camera, her hair wet and a towel clutched around her shoulders.  The sky was blue without a single cloud and behind them one could see the waves of the sea. Stiles was standing next to her proudly. Nearly a head taller than her he ben t  down and pressed a loving kiss to her cheek. He couldn’t remember ever being so happy. His father had taken the picture as all three of them  were on family vacation. Because that was what Y/N  had been to both Stiles and Noah: famliy. 

He clutched it to his heart as another strangled sob escaped his throat. Then, without thinking, Stiles threw the frame against the opposite wall of his hospital room. The glass shattered, much like his heart and then the boy started screaming… then everything went dark. 

_ “Sooo…?”  _

_ “Sooo?” Stiles chuckled as he  _ _ looked at the passenger seat, seeing how his girlfriend’s eyes sparkled with excitement.  _

_ “Sooo, are you gonna tell me now? You said you would tell me!” She  _ _ fake _ _ pouted _ _ . _

_ “I never said that!” He laughed  _ _ as she grunted in annoyance. “It’s a surprise!”  _

_ “Well, I hate surprises!” She threw her arms up in frustration. “Would you at least tell me how long it’s gonna take us to get there?” Stiles pretended to lock his lips and threw the fake key out the window. Y/N huffed. “Whatever. I don’t even care.” She said dismissively and he couldn’t help but smile at how bad  _ _ a liar she was _ _ .  _

_ Stiles turned the music up and sung along obnoxiously and completely off key, but he didn’t care and neither did Y/N who soon joined him _ _ .  _ _ He looked over at her again _ _ , the only illumination coming from the street lights  _ _ which made her eyes sparkle. God was she beautiful.  _

_ T _ _ hen everything went to shit.  _

_ “Stiles! Watch  _ _ out _ _ !” She screamed just as a huge transporter honked at them, because Stiles  _ _ came off his lane.  _ _ He swirled the stearing wheel around  _ _ and the  _ _ right side of the jeep connected with a tree forcefully.  _

_ “Y/N?” He coughed _ _ , the wind being knocked out of his lungs. “Y/N? You’re okay?” No response. He dreaded turning his head right, but he knew that he had to.  _ _ As he did though it took everything within him to _ _ not vomit _ _ . No, no, no, no…  _ _ He started screaming. “Help! Help! Somebody  _ _ help _ _ us!”  _ _ He  _ _ f _ _ umbled with his phone to call  _ _ 911 but his phone screen was broken and it wouldn’t turn on. No, no, no.  _ _ Stiles  _ _ leaned over the console  _ _ to lightly shake her shoulder. “Y/N? Baby, hey?  _ _ Wake up, please?” His voice was barley above a whisper at this point.  _ _ There was blood everywhere, mainly running down the right side of her face where her scalp must’ve connected with the window. He knew he had  _ _ to  _ _ feel her pulse,  _ _ so he let his hand wander from her shoulder to her neck. Two fingers connected  _ _ above her pulse point and he waited. And waited. Nothing.  _ _ Panic _ _ arose in _ _ side _ _ him. No, no this wasn’t happening. No. No. No. How could this be happening?  _ _ Hastily he grabbed her wrist, searching for a pulse point there. Again, nothing.  _

_ “No. No. NOOO! _ _ ” _ _ He screamed, yelled, cried. _ _ He shook her again, more forceful this time. Her head bobbed left and right, but she didn’t open her eyes. Her body lifeless  _ _ underneath his touch _ _ , until eventually he rested her head on his chest and  _ _ brushed single strands of hair behind her ear and  _ _ out of her face. Blood everywhere. It was soaking his shirt,  _ _ pants and hands. He didn’t care.  _ _ Stiles started peppering her face with kisses. Only seconds  _ _ ago, _ _ he had laughed with her, admired her beauty and now?  _ _ Within mere seconds everything was taken away from him. He was holding his life in his hands and he didn’t even care as he realized the b _ _ l _ _ ack dots forming  _ _ before his tear blurred vision. He didn’t care if he died now. What was there left to live for _ _ ?  _

“Nooo!” Stiles screamed as he bolted up in his bed. He screamed and kicked as someone came and held him down, whispering soothing things in his ear that he didn’t care about. “Nooo!” He cried as the cursed images h a unted him once again. Eventually his screaming died down though, but not because he wanted to. He felt something pierce his neck. A sedative… 

“Do you need help?” His father asked him as he  escorted Stiles to his room.  The boy shook his head as the sheriff  sat him down on his bed. “You sure?” Stiles nodded. Noah sighed. “Stiles, you don’t have to go.  Everyone would understand if you wouldn’t come…” 

“I know.” He croaked out and his father sighed in relief to finally hear his son talking again. “But I have to.” 

Noah nodded. “Okay,  just call me when you need anything. I’ll be waiting downstairs.”  He walked out of Stiles’ room, but didn’t close the door, just in case … 

Stiles sat on his bed for a few minutes, unmoving. Eventually he stood up though and walked over to his closet. He got rid of his jeans and shirt and put the black slacks and white dress shirt on. Then he tied a black tie around his neck and lastly, he pulled a black jacket on. The suit didn’t fit well anymore. The slacks hung loosely from his hips and one could clearly see that the jacket was too big. It looked like he was swimming in it, that’s how much weight he lost. 

Just as he wanted to close the door of his closet again, his eyes landed on a tiny black  box, sitting in the drawer where his socks were.  He reached out for it and popped the lid open, a sparkling diamond staring back at him. Instead of crying or screaming he actually smiled. It was a sad smile, but it was a smile nonetheless.  Gently he closed the lid again and  shoved the box in his pocket. 

“We have gathered here today to say our farewells to Y/N Y/L/N who has left us all too soon.” The preacher started, but Stiles blurred out his words . All he could think about was the open casket only mere feet away from him. He had yet to get up and look at her. 

The ceremony went by in a rush .  Lydia just getting back to her seat after she told everyone the story of how Y/N and her had  broken into her own home and the cops showed up, wanting to arrest both of them while they tried to explain that  Lydia had lost her keys and couldn’t get in.  Stiles actually laughed a few times as Lydia recalled that evening, despite having heard that story a hundred times before. 

“ Does anyone else want to say something?” The preacher asked and no one made an attempt of getting up, everyone had already wished their farewells or had told a funny or emotional anecdote of Y/N’s life. Everyone but Stiles. No one expected him to get up and say something though . They all already knew how much  he loved her, he didn’t need to say it aloud.  Nevertheless, he got up from where he was sitting and walked over to the  microphone. All eyes on him now, looking at him with compassion. 

“Honestly, I don’t even know what to say…” He cleared his throat as he felt how it was about to crack any moment. “Y/N was the most beautiful, funny and smart girl that I have ever met. I knew she was gonna steal my heart the first time I looked into her y/e/c eyes and that’s exactly what happened. I uhm- I didn’t expect our ways to part so suddenly and tragically…” He swallowed. This was harder than he expected and he didn’t even think it was going to be easy to begin with. “I always pictured us moving in together after college. We would live somewhere on the west coast, near the beach because Y/N loved the ocean and always wished to have a house with an ocean view. I always thought that I would come home to her after a long day of work and just spend lazy evenings with her on the couch and talk her ear off about anything that would come to my mind.” His voice cracked. “Eventually we would get married and have kids. I always hoped that they would have more off her than off me, because let’s be serious, this earth has enough to handle with one Stiles running around.” The crowd chuckled lightly. “I wanted to get old with her, see our kids become parents themselves and have dozens of grandchildren swarming around us and give them too much candy in order to drive_ our_ kids crazy.” Another chuckle erupted from the crowd. “I miss her. And I probably will for the rest of my days, because I know that all this will never be a reality and that I’ll never be able to see her again, hear her laugh or watch her trip over her own two feet. I honestly don’t know how I can move on from her, but I know that she would want me to be happy and I hope that one day I will be again.” Stiles wiped a single tear away and then reached in his pocket to get ahold of the tiny box. He pulled it out and he could see his father’s and friends’ eyes fill with tears. “The night she died, I actually wanted to ask her to marry me. I know, twenty-two is still pretty young to get engaged, but I’ve been in love with Y/N since I was sixteen years old, since she first approached me on her first day in Beacon Hills High. Every day the feelings that I held for her only got stronger and stronger and I knew that she was the one. She was my first girlfriend, the first girl that I’ve ever loved and now she’s gone and I don’t know how to go on without her. I don’t. But I am gonna try my best to, because I have faith that I will see her again one day. Y/N, I love you. Thank you for loving me the way that I loved you.” Stiles stepped back from the microphone and walked over to the casket. Y/N wore a beautiful white dress, hands folded over her chest. Her skin was pale and he felt his heart sink. It hurt too damn much and he didn’t know how he was not breaking down. He leaned down and placed a kiss on either of her cheek and lastly her lips. She was cold beneath his touch and he couldn’t help the tears that were streaming down his cheeks again, falling on her face. “I love you.” He whispered as he lifted one of her hands up and took the ring out to put it on her finger. It fit perfectly.

No one dared say a word as everyone cried upon seeing the broken man before them  put the diamond ring on his dead girlfriend ’s  finger. It was the saddest thing either of them had ever witnessed. 

Stiles was sure that one day the though t of her wouldn’t  hurt as much as it did now. The ache would definitely never leave him, but  eventually it would get better. 


End file.
